Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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