ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
