there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
