I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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