would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
