addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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