If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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