I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
