You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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