The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
