I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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