I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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