youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize