I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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