There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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