You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
