You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She even gives head with a lisp.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
