Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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