My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
