I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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