also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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