The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
you never un-have a 4some
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
