you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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