I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
do nipples grow back?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
