I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
