Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize