weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
