I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
