I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
In the future we'll all be gay
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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