there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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