remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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