We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
