i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
