Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
