I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
