if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
