This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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