and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
