if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
