Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
