I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
barbara walters just said penis...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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