I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
my poor anus
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
