and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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