Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
