it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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