i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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