dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize