I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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