I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
