She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
