Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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