I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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