you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize