Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
