Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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