i just wanna soil my oats bro
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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