Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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