i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
