Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
