I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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