o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
send nudes
from the living room?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
