Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
