Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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