i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
