he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize