My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I forget how to act sober
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
