is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
