hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
