Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
