I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
